That man

I couldn’t breath, I was left without no words …

I felt how the mind and the heart were struggling which one was more crazy.

I was in a terrible state, left alone and humiliated, in a bar of diffuse light, elegance but with a thirsting soul, I wanted to get drunk … It was a torment that I was trying to forget by drinking, it was not doing too much but I was ambitious. I was drinking glass after glass, I was determined to go into an alcoholic coma and then maybe I could have the luck to die … the world then was going to be free of a stupid woman like me … My eyes were full of tears, but I was trying to be tough, I did not want anyone to observe that I was in a miserable condition. Then, as through the haze, I saw at a table a man whose figure seemed to me to be known, I was still looking at him without realizing where I had seen him … I was thinking that my mind was playing me … Then I recognized him, a well-known singer I really admire for his talent without being a fan necessary … I was wondering what he was doing there and I started studying him carefully, he was looking much better in reality, brunette, with a confident smile , not too tall but very nice. I knew he was 40 years old and had recently married … Suddenly, I do not know what came to me, I lifted the glass in his direction and smiled, amazing is he also smiled at me … Probably my suffering and drunkenness gave me wings to flirt with a married man … He got up from his table and came to me. I watched him as he took a seat next to me, he smiled at me again, and told me his name.

– I already know your name …

-You’re a beautiful girl, I’ve noticed you for a while, I’ve seen that you had a bad conversation with your lover or husband …

-A garbage, not my husband or boyfriend …

-I’m sorry, you do not have to be upset because of some garbage.

I tried to concentrate but I could barely look at him, I was pretty banged up and dizzy.

– It’s so easy when you say it like that … but I feel so … so alone, humiliated.

He caught my arm and I felt his firm and warm.

– I suffered from love too , believe me I understand what you’re going through.

-I thought men do not suffer from love …

-Yes, I suffered ..

I signaled the waiter to bring me another turn.

– Do not drink anymore, you do not do well.

-I want to forget. Why do you care about me? If anyone sees you with a drunk woman?

– I’m not interested in anyone’s opinion.

-However, you’re a star, I would not want to ruin your image .

He started to laugh, he was charming when he was doing that .

– I’m not a star, I’m just a singer doing my job well, I say so .

– And I say it too.

-Thank you.

-What are you doing in this spree?

– I was waiting for a friend who unfortunately or fortunately did not show up.

I drank the next glass of liquor from a sip. He looked at me with concern. I surprised his brown eyes with long lashes. Our eyes intersected for a few moments that seemed to me good minutes. Suddenly I felt heat and dizziness, I stretched my hand to him and I smiled at him with subtlety.

-Do you wanna come with me?

He smiled at me:

-Sure I do.

He helped me get up and I got into his arms and my lips were on his fine cheek. He was smelling so beautiful!

– Kiss me, J, make me feel loved, please!

He caressed my hair and his eyes broke my heart. It was not the look of a man who wanted a woman, his eyes were reflecting mercy. Mercy for a disoriented little drunk woman.

-Stop it, you think I do not know, you are feeling pity for me …

I stepped by tapping myself to the exit with him in my footsteps. Outside I took a couple of steps then I felt a daze and I crashed down on the cobblestone. I felt two strong arms that lifted me up and through the fog I saw the face of J.

– May I take you home?

-What house, which house … no one’s waiting for me at home.

He helped me get into his car and we went to a hotel, he almost dragged me to the room, then to bed.

-Tonight I have a concert, but I get back quickly … you stay here, I hope I find you when I get back, sleep, you need sleep.

He kissed me on the cheek and held my hand but I did not let him go.

-You need something, you want something?

– I want, I want … I whispered half asleep.

-What do you want?

-I want a man like you.

He stared at me for a few seconds, then he smiled.

-You better have the original than the copy.

-Yeah, I muttered.

– Okay, now rest, I come as fast as I can.

After his departure I rushed into the bathroom and vomited for a long time, washed my face and dragged myself back to bed trying to fall asleep. I fell asleep quickly, my sleep being spattered with dreadful dreams. But in all of them appeared the same brown eyes with long lashes. I was awaken by soft touchings and whispers . He had come and he was trying to strip me. Did he want to sleep with me? Anyway, I would not have said no, but J. just wanted to make me comfortable, he undressed me with slow movements and my naked body touched his hot skin several times. I would have wanted so much to be touched by him and to make love with me, I chained him with my arms and I kissed him, he answered me too. We kissed for a while.

– Please, J. make love to me, I give myself to you , take me!

He was still dressed in his show costume.

-You are so beautiful, I want you … I want you desperately, I want you to make me a woman!

I saw the storm in his beautiful eyes, in the inside of him was a terrible struggle, I felt how strong he wanted to possess me, I felt in his kiss and his touches … now I could not see in his eyes mercy, but only desire, a desire combined with desperation . We kissed like two madmen and his sensual lips sank down on my neck, then on my full breasts … He looked at me fascinated, lost, I knew he was in my power now. That’s what I wanted from the beginning, then the phone rang … he stared at him for a long time then he answered. It was his wife, they spoke for a while, then silence. Suddenly I was cold and when he touched me, I turned my back at him . Reality was showing its claws and my fairytale was fading away in front of it …

– After all, we are two strangers, you do not have to console me.

– I do not comfort you, I just want to keep you in your arms.

He took me in his arms, and there I started to cry.

-Why are you crying?

– Because no other man kept me like that in his arms after we made love, and you and I did not make love, yet you embraced me. Keep me tight in your arms and do not let me go.

He listened to me, he squeezed me harder and harder in his arms.

-Your wife is lucky to have you.

– I’m not perfect, you know, I’ve got my flaws too.

– But you love her.

-I love her.

He stared at me deeply without talking. I got out of his hug and started to dress in hurry.

-What are you doing? he looked at me surprised.

– I am leaving , if I stay one more moment I’ll regret my whole life.

-Why regret?

– I do not want to be yours just one night, and I know painfully good that this is the only thing you can offer me, stolen moments and moments of love plucked with fate of destiny, I wish more, I always wanted more , I want to be loved .

I quickly dressed without looking at him …
– I’m not gonna let you go alone, it’s still very early, it’s not light yet …

-Thank you, thank you for everything but no, I prefer to go alone … and forgive me for last night.

– I do not have anything to forgive … but how to go like this, I do not even know you’re name, I do not know anything about you …

I turned to him from the door, my heart desperately was asking me to stay, to throw myself into his arms without any reasoning, without any explanation, to take off my clothes and turn myself into the slave of those eyes.

– I’m Julia … and I left without looking back.

If I would have stayed another moment, I would have heard hiim whispering behind me:

– Stay, Julia …